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Joy Division's She's Lost Control was her song. I remember something about it being the song of her life that said all about her. I can dance to that song and believe every word of it too. She had to have been filming Jesus' Son because of the stuff about dancing around in the her USA apartment at the time. If you have seen Jesus's Son you know that Morton has this incredible dance scene to Tommy Roe's 'Sweet Pea' that is just mesmerizing let loose and letting loose if you were in the chair unable to tear eyes away. Not freedom loose. Helpless to something. I think you can know a lot if you get to see someone dance and lose that control.
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If someone lets you see it. If it is free or if it has to say something.
He doesn't remember his epileptic attacks when they are over. And she turned around and took me by the hand and said, I've lost control again. And how I'll never know just why or understand, She said I've lost control again. And she screamed out kicking on her side and said, I've lost control again. And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die. She said I've lost control. She's lost control again. She's lost control. Ian Curtis' dancing I am not sure about freedom and control.
His dancing he is famous for and people would go to see him. I was upset that more people came to see him the sicker he got. He drank alcohol and had fits through the medication meant to stop them. I wonder if this was on purpose, because maybe he had another life on stage.
I don't know about the letting everyone watch him loose part as by all accounts their success would cease to mean anything to him once the dream came true. It had a name, this dance. It was his epileptic attacks. Was he helpless to it as to those fits? Deborah writes that her husband danced those measured beats at their wedding too so it wasn't a stage thing, exactly. He had exhibited signs of it in their early teens before the disorder owns him. Ian Curtis would fly off stage and lose control in the audience. The dancing became more mesmerizing to those watching the more he lost control.
So they say. I keep thinking about this dancing for him more than the song lyrics that he denied had any meaning other than art to anyone who asked him. The people he leaves behind think about his lyrics after he is gone as a cry for help.
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Before he died it was inconceivable that they ever could be. I keep thinking about what Tony Wilson I kind of think he was a douche bag, personally. This review is too long to get into that said about how Ian got what he wanted. Deborah was miserable either way.
That's what I really keep thinking about and not if anyone could have saved Ian. I don't know why he wanted what he did except to know that Ian Curtis didn't try to do anything other than his songs and his dancing. He had his love affair with the Belgian reporter, Annik. Annik rejected him when he had his fits. She wouldn't or couldn't deal with it. Deborah describes Ian as coming home with his tail between his legs. What was the saving? No one could stop him from having his attacks.
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Bernard thinks that it was the medication that killed him. I think it was the attacks and there was nothing they could have done. I think it was because he was born the old dying. And I remember when we were young line haunts me a little.
Killing From A Distance | iraqibodies
I wonder if he didn't drink to bring on the attacks, on stage, despite the ill affects combined with his pills. Okay, a point I thought was pretty damned important was that Ian asked Bernard Sumner to pick which woman for him. Bernard refused well yeah. All of his before death shit of watching Werner Herzog films about a man who kills himself rather than choosing between two women.
Is it like when he okay, this I learned from Chris Ott's Unknown Pleasures book says David Bowie sold out because he didn't kill himself after twenty-five like in his 'All the Young Dudes' lyrics. There has to be more to it than this. Was he this attached to bullshit childhood ideals?
His soul outgrowing small mind and too large for it only in his lyrics? His life was not lived beautifully. I also thought it was interesting that the people in his life didn't think he had the great empathy required to write the songs he did and they had to be about himself. The songs don't feel like lies. There seemed to be a lot of past second guessing and replaying about what to be done. No one could be with him at all times. What I've got is no cries for help. I don't feel that way about these songs. There's the songs and I will write about them later.
I have feelings about Ian Curtis' music that are not about sticking fingers through a chest and stopping a heart less life. Why didn't he have one for Deborah and Natalie? Deborah did divorce him. I wish I had more than she fell in with him and it was easier when he made her quit school and get married and then he kept a photo of their dog in his wallet and not his wife and child I felt so bad for her when she had to give up her beloved dog because they couldn't afford to feed Candy any longer.
Ian blamed her and did nothing to help the situation. I don't wonder how she didn't hate him just why did she stay and kill her own life by him. I get the feeling he wasn't living at all and that was the way he was going. What about her? She writes this book about him and their lives. Okay, when one of the guys in the band, Morris, has a girlfriend that Ian doesn't like her gets her to come over to their house. Deborah finds her comfy as an invitee. Ian tells Deborah that Stephenie is threatening suicide because her boyfriend dumped her. She has razor blades in their bathroom and go get her father to come fetch her.
Deborah is confused because it doesn't look that way at all. Stephenie gives her a betrayed look when her father shows up or maybe I'm just remembering it that way now because Deborah feels she betrayed Stephenie.
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